If you’re stuck in the “how to choose wedding party” stage and wondering if you have to include your college roommate or that cousin who vanishes for months, you’re not alone. Choosing your wedding party is supposed to feel magical. Like handpicking your ride-or-dies for the biggest day of your life. But let’s be honest: it can get real messy, real fast.
Let’s break it down and help you figure this out without the drama.
START WITH YOUR DREAM TEAM IDEA FIRST
This group isn’t just for photos. These folks show up for fittings, help plan epic bachelorette weekends, hold your flowers or beer during portraits, and might be responsible for keeping you from meltdown mode.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
Ask yourself:
- Who do I trust to actually show up?
- Who feels like family, even if they aren’t?
- Who’s reliable, calm under pressure, and down for anything?
If you’re hesitating about someone (you know who), maybe invite them as a guest instead. You’ll still get to party with them minus the stress of a last-minute “I can’t make it” text before the rehearsal.
CHOOSING YOUR MAID OF HONOR & BEST MAN
These roles are way more than just a title. They’re your go-to people. So while your sister might be the obvious choice, if your best friend is the one who’s been organizing your life since high school, she might be the better fit.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
Typical MOH / BM wedding duties include:
- Staying by your side through the chaos
- Helping you pick out your dress/suit
- Hosting (or co-hosting) your bridal shower
- Planning the bachelor/bachelorette party
- Holding your rings, vows, bouquet, snacks or whatever items needed
- Giving a speech without making it awkward
Also, they’re often the contact for vendors, should someone need to reach you. And if you’re catching a flight for your honeymoon the next morning, they might be the ones returning your rentals while you sleep off the champagne.
SO WHAT’S THE BEST WAY TO PICK YOUR WEDDING PARTY?
Here’s your checklist:
- Write down your people. Make a list of friends and family who feel right to include. Be honest with yourself.
- Think about dynamics. Avoid mixing people who don’t get along unless you really want tension during your photos.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
- Look at logistics. Is someone long-distance, super busy, or flaky? Maybe they’re better suited as a guest or honorary party member.
- Match your wedding size. If you’re having a small intimate ceremony, you don’t need 12 groomsmen. Big wedding? Go wild.
- Communicate early. Let them know the expectations. Give them a chance to opt out gracefully. Not everyone wants the responsibility, and that’s okay.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
Matching Numbers Is Optional
One partner might have five people and the other might have three. It’s not a big deal. You can always stagger them or pair folks up however you want during the ceremony.
If you’re really into aesthetics and balance, sure, aim for symmetry. But your wedding isn’t a marching band. It’s okay if it looks a little untraditional.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
Photos from: Loon Weddings
WHEN SOMEONE ASKS WHY THEY WEREN’T IN THE BRIDAL PARTY
You love them. They love you. But they’re not in your bridal party. That conversation? It can feel awkward—especially if they were expecting a spot.
Or sometimes, these scenarios happen: Your mom thinks your third cousin whom you’ve never met should be a bridesmaid. Your partner’s best friend’s uncle assumes he’s a groomsman. Your coworker jokes about catching the bouquet from the front row.
Here’s the thing: not everyone can (or should) be in the wedding party. That doesn’t mean they’re not important to you.
Your wedding party should never be about obligation. If you’re adding someone just to avoid conflict, chances are it’ll backfire later. Resentment sneaks in. Stress multiplies. And you’ll wish you trusted your gut from the start.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
Instead, set clear boundaries early. Try saying:
Not everyone will get it. That’s okay. Your peace of mind is more important than temporary awkwardness.
“We made the decision together to keep our party small so we can focus on people we’re closest to right now. We hope you understand.”
Photo from: Loon Weddings
If you still want them to be present in your big day, consider the following options:
- Ask them to do a reading during the ceremony
- Seat them at your head table or VIP family table and add them to your guest list
- Mention them in your speech or printed programs
FINAL THOUGHTS BEFORE LOCKING IN YOUR PICKS
Choosing your bridal party can feel like a delicate balancing act between heart, history, and practicality. But the goal? Surround yourself with people who uplift you, ground you, and celebrate you. People who will dance with you ‘til your feet hurt and help zip your dress when you’re about to cry-laugh.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
So take your time. Say thank you when you ask them. And once you’ve got your dream team locked in, spoil them a little. (Even if it’s just coffee and breakfast before dress shopping.)
Because the people who stand by you on your wedding day? That’s a memory you’ll never forget.
Photo from: Loon Weddings
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